Taking Care of Yourself on the Path to Self Discovery
Investing in nice outfits is a nice way I treat myself.
As I dive deeper into self actualization, I’m realizing that what I consciously do to be happy helps me help other people. I wrote this list because after my two Navy deployments, I came back to San Diego late June so lonely, so empty and feeling so worthless. I had no close friends and even though I had the beauty of downtown San Diego to appreciate, I had nobody to enjoy it with on an everyday basis, just close friends in other states. I dated a guy briefly that I was excited about, only to have him reject me and go back to his ex girlfriend.
While my friends from the deployments went back to their spouses and children, I had to create a life that never existed, but one that I visualized constantly all those routine days at sea. I remember spending one Sunday afternoon some weeks back crying my eyes out, calling my Godmother because I felt so bored and restless. I knew then I had to make changes and get out of the self-induced funk I was feeling. Join me as I describe the steps I took to walk on this path.
Be with positive people – I can’t purposely put good people along my road, but I can put myself in environments where good people exist. Two ways to do that are to join a church and make friends through mutual hobbies. For me, that meant finding a church that’s aligned with my spiritual beliefs and close to my house. Midweek, there is a bible study where we eat together and speak of the personal relevance of a passage. I also make plans with friends to do fun outings. There are resources such as MeetUp.com where I join others in like-minded activities, such as a group run, a craft beer tour or a beach day.
Have the body that makes YOU happy and stay in it – Some criticize me for weighing myself every day, but I do this so I know if I am slipping up in my diet and exercise regimen. I get lazy and enjoy junk food. But more importantly, I take pride in my body at its current size. I like the way I feel when I eat healthy foods. I like the way my body looks when it’s toned and tanned. I layout once a week on the roof of my apartment for one hour (no more as I am not trying to get skin cancer) and enjoy the view of downtown while reading and texting friends. When I start to slip up, I remind myself of the work I put into losing weight and how happy I feel at my present size.
Always leave the house looking fantastic – Even if it’s just a trip to the post office or grocery store, I take time to put make-up on, comb my hair and put on a nice outfit. I do this because it’s part of practicing mindfulness. I am aware of my surroundings, my body language and I smile at strangers and sometimes strike up friendly conversation. The other day, I petted a Boxer dog belonging to a lovely gay couple. We talked for 10 minutes about the Navy, things to do in downtown San Diego and then after chatting they invited me to brunch. I walked away from that conversation feeling energized and joyful.
Set a goal – Having a plan to achieve something keeps me feeling productive. Currently, my goal is to hit the scores needed for the GRE examination so that I can attend San Diego State University in July and receive a master’s degree in communications. Studying for the test isn’t fun, but I put myself on a path to success by taking time away from work, signing up for study seminars and making a date to take the test on November 17. While working through this process, I pay close attention to my process and not just the end result. I know that failure is a possibility but I like the challenge and enjoy putting myself in areas outside my comfort zone. To avoid procrastination, I promise myself a given amount of time each day to going through my study workbook.
Fill myself mentally with healthy “food” – I stopped watching the news and reality TV because I felt the reinforced stereotypes in that programming were destructive to my personal development. I bring books to the hair salon so I won’t be tempted to read a gossip or beauty magazine. I know how insidious mainstream society is when selling their definition of how people should behave and look. I don’t appreciate the heightened drama and violence glorified in the news. I got rid of my cable television. Instead, I watch documentaries such as Frontline on PBS and read books such as The Power of Now from Eckhart Tolle. This mind fuel helps me stay in a positive mental state.
Find ways to be of service – I have so much to learn and ways to grow. Much of what I’ve discovered in my life journey was through the teachings of others. I feel it is my duty in life to pay that forward. To aid with that, I seek out volunteer roles in skills that I enjoy doing in an effort to help other people. My latest project is to assist adult learners with how to read through Read, San Diego. I take every opportunity I can to mentor friends and co-workers, helping them with life lessons I gained through my public affairs career in the Navy.
Breathe – This is perhaps one of the most important and most difficult actions for me to practice. This means to quell the negative thoughts in my head and accept things as they are, especially when I have no control over them. I try to live in the present and make the most out of every moment given. This means I take days off to read, watch movies, journal and catch up with friends. It’s taking time out of the busy doing of life to relax and just be.I hope this list is helpful. To me, life is a path. I am going down this road with bumps along the way and a few bad accidents. But it’s through the generosity of others and what I learn from those who are enlightened that enables me to understand the parts of life that matter most. This helps me detach from ego and focus on the good I can create for myself and for the world.