Power, motivation, and resolving conflict in a #MeToo culture
I recently heard a story from a colleague regarding a Navy chief that made a habit of correcting her officer supervisor. The subordinate claimed the officer routinely violated uniform and other Navy policy regulations. Instead of politely pulling this officer aside privately, and having a respectful conversation, she instead approached this officer’s boss and made several comments to her subordinates for the officer’s supposed infractions.
A few times in my career, I’ve been a party to similar treatment from a subordinate, or I’ve had supervisors that nitpicked me to death in an effort to intimidate me. It got me thinking about workplace power, and with the erupting of the #MeToo movement, it’s clear there are so many that feel unhappy at work. Some people resorts to dirty tactics to reclaim what they feel are their righteous paths to power and prestige. And there are those who abuse the power that they have been entrusted with. It’s awful.
It seems like every day in the media, there are horrifying stories on egregious and destructive bosses, abuses of power, and bullying that must stop. I’m thankful that for many people, who for years lacked agency have now found their voice and are welcomed in an environment where they are not only being fully heard, but understood. Changes are happening, and they are long overdue.Yet what I take away from this movement, and many other workplace cultures where the lines are messy regarding power roles (positional versus inferential roles), is a simple sentiment that helps me when I’m struggling: be an expert at the craft, and show value through a hard work ethic, devotion to the team, and to the mission.It’s not to say this strategy will protect all vulnerable people from abuses by those in power, but it’s to say that for every person that’s been brought down in this current culture, I have to wonder if the pay offs for a few went both ways, and if in some cases the protectors, the silencers and the ones on the other end of these “consensual relationships” were not victims, but an equal participant with a mutually beneficial agenda.
In so many fields, competence is an art, not hard science. I’ve found it open to interpretation as to one's ability to grasp concepts, ideas, and properly apply them. Results are subjective depending on the boss’s preferences. This is much different than one whose job is to fix an aircraft or work across an assembly line. It’s easy to spot when a person lacks the skills to troubleshoot a maintenance discrepancy, or if multiple defects in a production line repeatedly occur. But in the communication discipline, as I’m sure is the case in many social science industries, the indicators of success are often personality-driven and nuanced.
Because of these subjective measures of performance, there are those that can exploit it. I’ve observed firsthand this inherent sense of entitlement that every decision from leadership should be questioned and further adjudicated for an alternate course of action because there is no one “right” answer. It becomes a power struggle between the person leading and the subordinate. Either the subordinate is locked into “the way we’ve always done it” mentality, may lack the drive to take initiative, or automatically feels powerless adopting another’s idea. I strive to balance empowering my teams so they come up with the solution instead of me and thus feel agency, with what I know is the proper course of action based on my skills and experience. There are times when I can give in to the desires of the group, but there are other times when I must trust my judgment and experience that a better course of action is just.
As a leader, there are people I’ll positively impact, and then there are those I have resigned myself to another outcome. For the second category, I’m as respectful and professional as possible, but to protect myself, keep the team intact, and carry out the mission, that's the extent of my interactions with them. I strive to do as much as I can to train and mentor others, but I've learned there are some individuals that no matter how much effort I invest attempting to inspire them to dig deeper and strive for better, I'm not an inspiring leader for them. No one tells you that. It feels like an open secret. To achieve the never-ending societal quest for utter perfectionism at all costs, the mark of a good leader is that everyone loves them, and wants to work hard for them all the time. Being liked has become synonymous with good leadership.
Instead, I feel leadership is at times a dirty, thankless endeavor. It’s instead a contact sport that bares your soul.
Not everyone is always going to be pleased with my decisions. I hold myself and others accountable and to high standards. When I learn of a better way of doing something, or I find my team is not meeting the standards, I adjust fire. Many times, that comes at a price, but one I'm willing to pay. And I'm ok with that because my calls are based on the expectations from my leadership, and what I know is a quality product.
My experience has taught me that I won't win every battle. Life is messy, and often dictates for me, as so many decisions are outside my control, but nevertheless, my moral imperative is I treat every person with dignity and respect, regardless of my personal feelings toward them. And some people are beyond my scope of influence. I could write out every task falling to my team on any given day, but it won't inspire everyone to do the job properly. A sense of pride, passion, ownership and work ethic is something I feel is ingrained, based largely on one's individual upbringing. There are a few people I’ve worked with in my 22-year naval career (since getting fired in government pretty much takes an act of Congress) who have mastered the art of skating by doing the bare minimum or are manipulative boss pleasers turning on the effort for those they choose to serve best. It’s sad, as storytelling is what I feel one of the most rewarding careers in the Navy, but those people exist and sadly, sometimes the system does not hold them accountable.
This psychological cost of being in charge means holding people accountable, not being afraid to call out sub-par performance, and being ok with having some haters. My last assignment was the absolute most rewarding tour of my career, in large part because of how it challenged me. The struggle gave me purpose. I figured out a way to roll with whatever kind of person is in my sphere, even if at times we may not agree on a decision. I hope people appreciate what I attempted to put in place, while others never will. I just try my best to focus on the ones I can impact, and for the ones I cannot, I wish them well and hope another can impart upon them what I could not.
My commitments to my craft and team to work hard, strive for excellence and find ways to make us better has left me less vulnerable to those that wanted to exploit me. I got where I am in life through tenacity, an insatiable desire to excel, a thirst for knowledge, and quite frankly lots of failures. I've had the honor of leading teams that amazed me with their talents, ingenuity and relentless desire to excel. Then, I have had those people just getting by doing the bare minimum to stay employed. There are those I can impact positively and there are those that I cannot. That's life.
Those are some of the lessons this crazy, unpredictable, and unfair world has taught me, and ones that I hope can help others along the way.
Taking it one day at a time is a good plan for now. There's a lot to appreciate in life and focusing on that remains my aim.UPDATE (July, 3, 2020) - I wrote this blog in a cloud of denial. I posted this update on my Facebook page and share here as well -So I really debated writing this posting, but it’s heavy on my heart, so here goes. Like many other public affairs officers, I begin with the standard disclaimer that these are my views alone and not representative of my official position or command.
In my 24 years of service, I too have turned a blind eye to sexual assault and harassment. When the #MeToo movement came out, I even wrote a blog blaming victims. I was a miserable example to my sisters in arms because I pretended this problem did not exist. See, I never had someone sexually assault me, so I pretended that the “locker room talk” didn’t permeate my enlisted career and every work center I was a part of. I pretended that the inappropriate comments and creepy stares I’d get as a young Sailor were a-ok. I blew off the time when as a junior Lieutenant, an Army Lieutenant Colonel supervisor suggested we meet off duty to discuss my performance and later messaged me privately on Facebook to tell me he saw me on base in a bikini on the beach. I laughed off the disgusting “dick pics” that flooded my inbox when I engaged in online dating. I just wanted to pretend this miserable behavior wasn’t an issue in or outside the military. I thought speaking out would take the focus away from my performance, so I ignored it, and blamed women instead. I also had already experienced so much bullying in my career that I just could not square myself to speak up and speak out.
Not anymore. I will no longer be complicit in this abuse. For my role as a junior Sailor and Officer that didn’t want to “make waves” and who wrongly blamed the victims, I’m so sorry. I will now be better, and I will now join the national conversation on this horrible issue and injustice.#iamvanessaguillen