Key Reflections on 2020 and looking ahead to 2021

It’s been an eventful year – living in a pandemic, taking a cross country move to Norfolk, witnessing a downtown San Diego neighborhood go up in flames due to mass race riots, starting a new Navy assignment, and culminating with our first home purchase. Despite this furious hustle and some periods of chaos, I find there’s much to celebrate.

I never thought I’d be living in a pandemic, but I’m one of the lucky ones. Sure, I felt the social isolation from missed in-person gatherings. Cabin fever really set in when I found myself stepping over my husband due to lack of space in our tiny RV home. However, the important part was staying healthy, which forced me to craft innovative ways to sustain connections. Last May, using a newly acquired Zoom account, I organized a meet-up with my high school girlfriends. Many I had not seen in decades, as we shared our past ups and downs and got caught up on one another’s lives. Through a computer screen that made us look like members of the Brady Bunch, we laughed about the years gone by and commiserated on the raging pandemic and sense of loneliness we were all feeling. At that time, I was in a mandatory quarantine stuck at a hotel on a San Diego military base. Thankfully, this makeshift “home” for nearly a month came with an Internet connection, a fridge to store champagne, and space outdoors to run.

(Great seeing friends I had not connected with in years)

Each day after work, I circled the perimeter and caught the beautiful sunsets overlooking a nearby marina, and even caught a glimpse of the most unique and tackily decorated camper.

(Craziest camper I have ever seen)

A few times each week, my husband dutifully brought me fast food from Arbys, Dominos, or Chic-Fil-A. Savoring our time together, we’d eat at a small picnic table at the hotel’s outdoor gazebo always mindful of our safe six-foot separation. One day, we played on Go-Carts and another night we went roller blading.

(The CrazyCart which provided hours of fun one evening on base)

Another time we flew a kite and threw a football back and forth. I would then cap the day off with my one glass of champagne goodness, keeping a two-year promise to myself to never exceed this daily treat and limit, a practice I continue to abide by. These small respites alleviated the sheer boredom of staring at four walls six to eight hours a day.

After a month at sea assessing the Navy’s next west-coast based deploying media team and staying on a ship that felt like living in a freezer due to my poor circulation, I came back and prepared for a cross country move to the east coast. Having spent the last 24 years of my naval career as an east coast Sailor, I had no idea what to expect in Norfolk. Everyone has their opinions, and it’s not a consistent perspective such as what people say about living in Honolulu or San Diego, where the warm weather, laid-back lifestyle, and sunny beaches are a universal draw for so many. I choose these military orders based on what I heard about the work culture, not the location. I figured it was a good sign when the guy whose place I took wants to come back here upon retirement from the Navy and work as a civilian. Or when anyone who’s actually heard of Joint Enabling Capabilities Command tells me what a fun job it is and how much I’m going to like being there.

(Entrance at my new command)

However, moving is a pain in the ass. It’s one of the biggest hassles in the military’s transient lifestyle. Moving during a pandemic was even harder. From having to send cell phone videos of our household goods instead of the previous home visit we used to have to the lack of open bathrooms on our road trip throughout California and Nevada, my husband and I adjusted to this new normal. Returns at stores were no longer a given, nor could I just go to a store fitting room to try on that snazzy Walmart outfit I needed after getting my luggage stolen. Yet these small adjustments to life happened just fine, and we gradually adapted and overcame. After years of promising myself I wanted to learn video editing, I finally fulfilled that promise and became the main editor capturing our travel encounters for our YouTube vlog, alleviating Harry of the daily grind he undertook on our previous vacations. Although equally frustrating and tedious at times, I learned a new way to capture a story, and after blogging for so many years, I now can harness another creative avenue to make a point.

Upon checking in this past August, I discovered I needed to obtain a pistol qualification. I thought no problem, I always barely pass the qualification to make the Navy standards (pathetic, I know). Little did I know I was going to get graded to the Marine Corps test, the hardest qualification process of all the military branches. Harry had been nagging me for years to go shooting with him, but my fears around learning new skills held me back, and I came here unprepared for what was required of me. So, my first month in Norfolk, in addition to finding a home and waiting for it to close, I went to the gun range nearly every day. I used a laser, snap caps, and dry firing sessions to help overcome my tendency to flinch before pulling the trigger. I endlessly watched gun coaches on YouTube and had three instructors work with me one-on-one. Finally, after a month and a half of grueling practice and four attempts on the qualifying range, I passed.

(My final qualifying shot paper)

I’m still no expert on the pistol and my shots fall too much to the left and too low, but this experience gave me an opportunity to further reflect on my self-imposed limitations on learning. When I was seven and could not work without disturbing other students, I was diagnosed with attention-deficit disorder. While getting my undergraduate degree I struggled through calculus and physics, so my Godmother graciously sent me to her school’s guidance counselor who ran me through a series of tests and determined I had a non-verbal learning disability. Looking back, I think instead I had poor boundaries with others, low resilience, and a lack of impulse control. The mind is a fascinating organ, and I feel there is still so much left to uncover in how humans absorb information, discipline themselves, and process new skills.

Now my days are spent riding out the pandemic and decorating our home with the minimal pieces needed for functionality. We love getting deals in the process, another one of our favorite pastimes, as saving money is strangely intoxicating. In the coming months, we hope to share our home with a Boxer dog and explore more of Norfolk using our new Iphones 12 Pro Max to capture our video diaries. We also want to film the home once we finally get around to unpacking the guest room, office and cleaning up my husband’s eight-car garage.

I thank you for reading and coming along on this ride. I started blogging six and a half years ago to help me process trauma that I’m still uncovering and working through. I needed a space to pour out my deepest thoughts and see if others could relate. I post sporadically due to life’s other obligations, but the act of expression through words is cathartic for me. I’m not the best writer and my attention to important details is sometimes lacking, but my heart calls me to document my journey sharing relatable feelings and circumstances. Perhaps these blogs can help someone else who is struggling or even someone who has had that same joy. After all, life’s joys and sufferings are universal. It’s in those quiet moments of reflection where I know I’m not alone and my experiences are ones that we all have. Looking ahead to 2021, I intend to continue walking into hard things, such as taking an improv comedy class, continuing to document our journeys on YouTube and writing, learning, feeling, playing, and enjoying.